Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
