i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
