Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
