Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
