Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
honey bunches of taint.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
