Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
