last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
