Yo dont text me then not text me
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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