my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
