was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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