Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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