nutella sex= disaster
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
