im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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