Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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