You're earring is so big in my mouth
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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