this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
