So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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