I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
