a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
