If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
