your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
