Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
