I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
