We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
