Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
