He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
