i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize