Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
