If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
