You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
