DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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