i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
