How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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