I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
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