I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
