I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
