Cold hands, warm shart.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
only you would photoshop your dick
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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