We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
