What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
