One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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