Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
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