Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
