Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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