He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
