tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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