I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
