I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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