mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
