Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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