She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
