Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize