The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
