im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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