Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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