new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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