yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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