I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
