oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
