Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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