...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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