You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
