How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
