I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
