do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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