i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
