She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dicks are not precious.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize