My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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