arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
did i just pee glitter
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
