R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
