I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
