You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I love having hate sex.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
