i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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