i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
