that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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