does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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