It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
