Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
